Sure, Beijing’s got nice restaurants. But what about the late-night drunk food spots? The bizarre snacks? The shameless rip-offs? Noelle Mateer honors the oddballs that make this city not just a great place to eat in, but a hilarious one.
Restaurant Name of the Year
Pour one out for Blissful Nom Noms here. We also tip our hats to snack shop Big Sarcosaurus, and institution of higher vegetable learning Salad University. But ultimately this honor goes to Hoodadak. Who dat? you ask. No, Hoodadak, we say. Incidentally, Hoodadak is also the winner of Sanlitun SOHO Korean Fried Chicken Joint of the Year.
Drunken Laowai Cesspool of the Year
Man, this was a tight race! It ultimately came down to the following: 24-hour dim sum restaurant Jindingxuan, the baozi place across from Dada, the KFC on Gongti Beilu and ultimately our proud winner – the McDonalds on corner of Gulou Dong Dajie and Andingmen Nei Dajie, the closest intersection to almost every hutong bar ever.
Celebrity Endorsement of the Year
Move aside, Avril Lavigne: Your reign as supreme endorser of sweet tea drinks has come to an end. The new man in town is Kobe Bryant, inexplicably endorsing food-delivery app Ele.me alongside Hong Kong comedian Wong Cho-lam. Can Kobe Bryant even operate Ele.me’s entirely-in-Chinese interface? Unless he’s hiding an impressive Mandarin literacy from the world… no.
Boss of the Year
Zhang Mama. The ‘mama’ behind Beijing’s most popular Sichuan joint doesn’t give a damn about our awards. We’ve awarded her Sichuan of the Year twice now, and she has yet to collect her awards (we’ve had to deliver them personally – she’s demanding like that). She doesn’t care, but why would she? She’s too busy making the best twice-cooked pork in town.
Ill-Advised Flavor of the Year
Starbucks imitator Pacific Coffee takes the (nauseating) cake for not one, not two, but three baijiu-injected coffee drinks: Huadiao Mocha, Erguotou Zesty Chillino and Erguotou Pink Grapefruit Chillino (all RMB48, not that you should ever buy them). An honorable mention in this category goes to McDonalds’ popcorn-specked McFlurry.
Rice Triangle Variety of the Year
7-Eleven’s ubiquitous rice triangles are always there for us in times of need, but only one of them marries true culinary innovation with the convenience of a 3-kuai snack: the ‘Orleans chicken.’ This fancy French-sounding name actually refers to the orange sauce-coated chicken kebabs you sometimes see on jianbing carts.
Disappointing Hot Dog of the Year
Paris Baguette’s (cheap, watery) coffee fuels That’s Beijing staff come deadline time, so we have some real affection for this place. But this abomination of a “hot dog,” split down the middle as if it’s been sliced by the soggy asparagus that rests atop it, is a disgrace to the concept of American ballpark food.
Brazen Ripoff of the Year
Sandwich was a scarily accurate attempt to reproduce a Subway a mere five-minute walk away from an actual Subway. So much of it was the same, from the rubbery cheese triangles to the signature scent wafting just outside. The actual taste left something to be desired, but hey – you can’t win ‘em all. Sadly, Sandwich closed within months of opening.
Marketing Scheme of the Year
Gui Jie traffic is bad for many reasons, but the best of these is the moving cart that advertises Guijie Zaizai restaurant in the summertime: a robotic man in traditional dress dragging a rickshaw down the road. It served as a pertinent reminder that this street of fluorescent signs and days-old crayfish isn’t all bad.
Dangerous Free-Flow Deal of the Year
At many Beijing bars, RMB35 would get you half a drink. At Kato-Ya (the hidden Japanese restaurant by Great Leap #12), it gets you free-flow draft beer. And for just RMB10 more, you can add free-flow sake on top of that. Dream deal, or terrible illness waiting to happen? Both.
Check out the real winners from the 2016 That's Beijing Golden Fork Awards
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